I saw this posted on social media yesterday and it reflects perfectly my sentiments on last week:
What a year this week has been.
My good friend Megan messaged me at the beginning of last week, "These next few weeks are going to test us all as humans." Boy did she nail it. Last week was hard, for the whole world. In order to process all that is going on, I'm continuing to try to journal a bit each day.
After a restful weekend and a good start today to the "virtual school week" (Monday, March 23), I'm feeling much more hopeful than I did last week (as is reflected by these daily posts).
Monday, March 16
Today was a scheduled holiday day for the kids, so having them and Ben home was expected. I woke up to the new routine: check the numbers of cases of Covid19, inundate myself with doomsday news that sets me on edge for the rest of the day, and then try to be as normal as possible for the kids. We go on our planned hike in the Huesteca with our friend Julia. It feels so good to be outside and doing something somewhat normal. We have a bbq with friends (small group, but still social distancing). We go to a park and order take out food for dinner (gotta keep the small businesses in business). The twins and I spend an hour trying to figure out what online school is going to look like for them tomorrow. The needed information trickles in between 9:30-11 pm. (insert eye roll). None of the three of us sleep good because we're wondering what tomorrow will look like.
Tuesday, March 17
No sleeping in for me, as I know that I will need the quiet time before having kids on "virtual school" all day. Ben is still going to work at the office (for now), which is a good thing because I'm not quite sure how our house and internet will sustain everyone on their devices on chat groups for classes and meetings. Seth and Sam's first class is violin at 8 am. Their teacher doesn't explain to the kids how to use the group chat application, so no one mutes their microphone (imagine the noise!). Sam and Seth are told to get ANOTHER device from their house (assuming that all kids have their own iPad or phone) to download a different application. I'm trying to keep my cool, but I'm losing the battle. After half an hour of chaos, I'm feeling pretty pessimistic about how all this is really going to work. Thank goodness that their homeroom teachers did a pretty good job of explaining how to use the group chat effectively and things start going much smoother. I go out for a quick walk and check to see if the neighborhood park is open. It's locked...along with all of the major parks that we were counting on visiting during this time of quarantine. It's hard not to feel the suffocation, the confinement. It's amazing how much we took for granted our freedom of movement.
At 3 pm, the kids and I walk to a different neighborhood park and thank the Lord it's unlocked. I walk three miles while the boys play. I breath deeply for the first time all day.
AT 5 pm, I get the news that San Pedro is shutting down basically everything. Ben is still at work and I'm feeling like I ought to try to get to the store in case they won't let us out to shop. Thank the Lord that Ben gets home by 7 and I can go to Costco and HEB. Things at both places are oddly calm: plenty of toilet paper, no one with super full carts, meat sections half full, people smiling. I'm feeling hope for humanity again.
Today I'm thankful for: not having to take 2-5 trips to the school every day and that Josh finally likes to read (by the end of the week, he will have read all the Mercy Watson books by himself).
From the first disastrous violin lesson.
Josh's daily class meeting from 12-12:30.
Sam does his class time in their bedroom.
Seth in the guest room.
Josh and I spend most our day in our living room/dining room. He has a list of activities to do during the day, which we slowly complete (this is definitely my preference over him being online all day). It's such a weird rhythm as the twins have 30 minutes of class, 15 minutes break, and I try to send them all downstairs to the trampoline during that break time.
Wednesday, March 18
I am determined that today will be a better day. It helps that we know what to expect from online school. Also, sadly, there isn't much more that can be taken away from us at this point in time. Most of our freedoms have been stripped. We are hoping that things steady out and stay somewhat consistent for the next few weeks. Please no more surprises. By the time the boys end school at 2:15, today has already been a much better day than yesterday. We can do this. A positive mindset makes such a difference!
Today I'm thankful for: friends who bring me a big bag of cuties from Costco, face-to-face conversation with a dear friend, Mo Willems daily drawing activity, and Mexican mangoes.
Are your kids bored? Why not make "stuffed animal portraits"? (The boys' ideas, not mine.)
Thursday, March 19
Our new "virtual school" routine continues. The boys start the day with violin, bright and early at 8 am. Sam, who has had a cold for the last three days, seems a little worse. In no way do I think that he has Covid19; I am more concerned that his strep throat has came back. The panic I feel today comes from a sense of not knowing what to do: can I even bring him into a doctor at this time? If I can, is it advisable? (It seems like a hospital is the last place on earth you want to be right now.) Sam's sickness hangs over my head all day like a dark cloud, making me an emotional wreck. I research the symptoms of the coronavirus (he doesn't have them), I jump every time I hear him cough (it's a mucus cough, not a dry one), and I feel guilty. Does him having a cold mean that we literally shouldn't leave the house for 14 days? Are we putting people in danger? It's crippling. By the time Ben gets home (thankfully earlier rather than later), I'm a wreck. I feel like I felt in the midst of culture shock when we first moved here: like I just can't handle anything else. This all has been way too much to adjust to in such a small amount of time. Ben takes the boys to play football at a green space (socially distant, of course) and I go on a much needed walk. With a clearer mind, I remind myself, again, that Sam just has a cold.
In the evening, Trump tells citizens abroad to head back to the States, unless they want to stay where they are indefinitely. Ben and I again have to ask ourselves if we are doing the right thing staying here. And for today, we're pretty sure we are. We are safe, we have a great home here (with a pool!), plenty of food, and the virus is barely in our city and when/if it arrives, the health care here is good. We're scheduled to move in three and a half months and surely the world will have settled down by then, right? At least that's what we're telling ourselves.
Today I'm thankful for a husband that is steady when I am not and for the beautiful view from my walk behind our apartment.
Friday, March 20
There is hope today: only one more day of virtual school this week. Sam's health is about the same. I remind myself to treat the cold as I would treat it before Covid19, (i.e. don't panic and just use oils and vitamins to ride out the time). Today I'm determined to stop reading the news so much. In the afternoon, the boys' school announces that next week they start doing virtual sports practices. I am flabbergasted: MORE screen time. When the school day ends, we all breath a sigh of relief. The boys and I make macarons for the first time ever. We would have never done that if it wasn't for the pandemic.
Sam's cough gets worse throughout the day and when he tells me that "it's a really dry cough," I about have a mental and emotional breakdown. I'm not afraid of our family getting Covid19, it's the social implications that are connected to having the virus. Would we be doing something ethically wrong if we left the house? (Again, I really don't think that he has it!)
Bedtime is rough as Sam has a hard time falling asleep because of his cough. I also receive a message from a friend here in Monterrey. Her family was due to move around the same time as us this summer; however, as her son is immune compromised, they felt it would be safer for him to be in America for the pandemic. So, they are moving in two days, without saying goodbye to anyone because of the quarantine. I am absolutely shocked and so heartbroken for them. I hope and pray that in three and a half months we can leave here with some semblance of proper closure.
Today I am thankful for surviving week one of virtual school, staying in better touch with friends and family than ever before, and for ending each emotionally heavy day with laughter by watching Seinfield with Ben.
Watching the egg white get to "stiff peak stage"
We did it!
They weren't at all right...but we have lots of time to perfect them!
Saturday, March 20
We made it to the weekend, thank the Lord. Sam's cough is much better this morning...so much better that it truly feels like a miracle from God. I cannot even express the weight off my shoulders. The kids are so happy to not be on screens today and their attitudes are so much better. I get out for a great walk on a path outside of my neighborhood (so nice to have a change of scenery). Ben and the boys get out to a park for a bit. I have my first ever virtual Bible Study, and I like it much better than I thought I would. We have a great day as a family. Meanwhile, Italy records 793 deaths in a single day; how absolutely tragic!
Today I am thankful that I literally haven't said once this week, "I don't have time for that." Truth is: I have time to do many things that I haven't had time for for a long time. I can do things slowly and WELL. I've decided that I want to use this quarantine time to relearn calligraphy.
What Bible Study looks like for now.
Sunday, March 22
We have our first ever virtual church service. It's so good to hear our worship team (good thing that they couldn't hear us singing...we are so unmusical!) We decide to bypass the Spanish sermon and do a small devotional with the boys instead. Then the boys head off to continue playing stuffed animal golf and Ben and I listen to a sermon from our pastor in Scappoose and also one from a college buddy of ours that we haven't ever heard preach. I color an entire coloring sheet while listening. When was the last time that we felt we had that much time where we could listen to two sermons? It feels good to be so un-rushed in life. Now that Sam is feeling so much healthier, I can feel myself finally unwinding a bit and getting into a better mental state. I am enjoying the freedom to cook more and to try a bunch of different recipes.
Today I am thankful that I could grocery shop at a relatively empty HEB and that the store was fully stocked (plenty of toilet paper). I am also thankful for virtual church and the chance to be reminded that God is in control.
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